i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
