I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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