How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
