I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
