im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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