We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
