when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
