No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
