did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
