drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
