if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
