I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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