I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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