Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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