I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
