we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
