Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
