he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
