i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
