im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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