I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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