She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Couch. On fire.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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