i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
