watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
