I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
