I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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