was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i believe in u and ur pee
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
