I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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