he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
