did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Come on in and take your pants off
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
