Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
