So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
