super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
