He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
