i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
how drunk are you?
Several
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
