Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You made out with two different species that night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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