best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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