I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
