It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
