if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She is in my trunk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
