Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
