Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
