my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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