i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
