this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
