im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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