apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My ass is underappreciated
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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