I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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