I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
