it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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