I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
